Choosing a gift after a death can feel tricky. You want to be kind and helpful without creating extra work for the family. This guide gives you simple, respectful ideas at different budgets, quick etiquette by culture and faith, and short card scripts you can copy.
The quick take
- Keep it simple and practical.
- Match the family’s culture and faith where you can.
- A short, real note matters more than price.
- When unsure, a card plus food or a donation is always right.
What most families appreciate
Card with a memory
One real memory beats a long speech. Add a favourite photo if you have one.
Food that helps
Ready-to-eat meals, fruit, breakfast items. Label ingredients and heating steps. Use containers you do not need back.
Flowers or a donation
If the obituary lists a charity, follow it. If not, choose a cause tied to the person’s life and say why. If you send flowers, keep the design simple.
Practical vouchers
Grocery or meal delivery cards, rideshare credit. These lower stress without adding choices.
Keepsakes
A framed photo, a photo-book code they can redeem later, a simple candle or plant.
What to bring by budget
Under 50
- Handwritten card with a favourite memory
- Fresh fruit, snacks, or breakfast items
- Tea or coffee set
- Printed photo in a simple frame
- Unscented or calm-scent candle
50 to 150
- Family-size catered meal or delivery credit
- Flowers with a short card
- Cleaning, laundry, or rideshare gift card
- Photo-book code they can build when ready
150 and up
- Restaurant or grocery card for the household
- Donation in the person’s name with a printed note
- Contribution toward funeral or travel costs if the family invites this
Cultural and faith notes at a glance
Customs vary by family and community. Use these as starting points. When unsure, ask someone close to the family or choose a card plus practical help.
- Christian
- Flowers, cards, food for the home are common. Donations often welcome.
- Catholic
- Mass cards, flowers, donations, food for the home are common.
- Protestant
- Similar to Catholic, without Mass cards.
- Orthodox
- Simple flowers, often white, and donations are common early on.
- Jewish
- Food for the home during shiva is appreciated. Traditionally not flowers. If you bring food, keep it kosher if the home is kosher.
- Muslim
- Modest food for the family is welcome. Avoid alcohol and non-halal items. Generally not flowers.
- Hindu
- Fruit, simple vegetarian food, and flowers are common.
- Buddhist
- Simple flowers or a donation. Keep designs calm.
- Sikh
- Practical vegetarian food and offers of help are welcome. Avoid alcohol and meat.
- Shinto
- White flowers are appropriate. Avoid red.
- Indigenous communities
- Practices vary by Nation. Follow the family’s lead and ask a community contact if unsure.
Canada tip
Confirm dietary rules before you bring food. Kosher, halal, and vegetarian needs are common.
Celebration of life: what fits the tone
These gatherings are often less formal. Pick something that honours the person’s story.
- A printed photo for a memory table
- A small book where guests can write a memory. If a funeral home is involved in the celebration of life, they usually provide the guest book and stationery. If not, you’ll need to provide your own.
- Recipe cards of the person’s favourite dishes
- Donation to a cause they loved
- Simple finger foods or a family-size casserole in disposable containers
Etiquette basics
Arrive on time. Dress for the venue. Keep your phone on silent. Follow any requests from the family. Offer a short condolence and give space.
What to write in the card
Short, honest, human. Feel free to copy and edit.
- I am so sorry for your loss. I am thinking of you.
- I loved how [name] made people feel [loved, welcome, cared for]. I will miss them.
- I am dropping dinner on Thursday at 6. No need to answer the door if you are resting.
- In honour of [name], I made a donation to [cause].
Delivery made easy
- At the service
- Follow the funeral home’s guidance. Attach your card and contact details.
- To the home
- Text first. If they prefer quiet, leave items at the door.
- From a distance
- Send a card, a message with a memory, and an e-gift they can use when ready.
Do and don’t checklist
Do
- Label ingredients and heating steps.
- Use containers you do not need back.
- Keep messages short and kind.
- Check customs if you’re unsure.
- Offer one clear option and time.
Don’t
- Bring food that needs special equipment.
- Create work by returning dishes.
- Use “at least” statements that minimize the loss.
- Assume flowers or food fit every tradition.
- Say “Let me know if you need anything” and stop there.
Gentle way to offer Solace as a gift
For a practical gift, consider Solace. It’s an app that helps manage the logistical, administrative, and emotional processes that follow a loss. They can use it whenever they’re ready.
Button text: Give Solace
FAQ
Is it okay to bring only a card
Yes. Your words and presence are enough.
Should I bring cash
Only if the family or community has asked for it. A donation to a named cause is often a better fit. If donations are made at a funeral home, cash is best. No tap issues, no card fees.
What if I do not know the family’s customs
Keep it simple. Send a card and a practical gift like groceries or a meal. Ask someone close to the family if you want to confirm details.
Can I send flowers to any funeral
Not always. Some traditions prefer donations or food for the home instead. If in doubt, check with a close contact.
